5 Tips for Living Your Best Life
By Melanie Barr
“I choose to make the rest of my life, the best of my life.” — Louise Hay
I recently heard this Louise Hay quote, and I don’t think it happened by accident. Lousie Hay has had a positive effect on many lives, including mine.
When I first moved to LA at 19, it was the biggest leap of my life. I was scared and lonely. I was far away from family and didn’t know anyone in LA. I was not at all sure what my future held. I leapt without a safety net or knowing what was coming next, and decided I’d figure out the rest.
One thing that I did know was that I was not going to give up — on my life, dreams, passions, career, or building meaningful relationships. Even though I was scared, I was determined. I was going to live life to the fullest despite all of my fears. That much I knew. I still feel this way today.
The Louise Hay quote brings me back to the “why” I moved to LA and it makes me think of the things I did that helped me move past my fears and into my power. These might be things you already know but if you’re anything like me, you’re always grateful for the reminder of the positive things we can do in our lives to make sure we are making the most of it.
1. Meditate in Your Own Way
Louise Hay helped me to meditate, in my own way, through one of the most scary and difficult times of my life. I moved to LA initially for acting. Not out of a desire to become famous but to learn to express myself through words. As an only child, I grew up quiet and a bit of an introvert. I learned through the art of ballet and dance how to express myself but always wanted to find courage to express myself more with words.
After two years of college, with an athletic scholarship for dance, and placing at a national dance competition, I moved to Los Angeles. I didn’t know what I’d do next — finish college (which I did not long after making the move) or go on auditions. I just knew I was ready to get out of what was comfortable.
I found an agent within a few months and became a member of SAG (Screen Actors Guild) pretty quickly, but I was stressed — stressed about fully supporting myself and paying my bills, stressed about auditioning while working a full time job, stressed about applying to colleges to finish my degree, stressed about not really knowing any of my neighbors or having family nearby.
By chance, I was introduced to a woman who was a successful voice coach in Hollywood. She was full of knowledge, reminded me of my grandmother. She took me under her wing. She helped me rehearse scripts and lines, work on lowering my voice, and how to breathe through stressful situations. What she taught me worked! I would call family and friends and they would say “your voice sounds a bit different.”
I would often be tired when I got to her office, but immediately relaxed as soon as we started voice and breathwork exercises. I became so relaxed that I’d literally fall asleep in the chair. She realized how overworked and tired I was, and one day introduced me to Louise Hay.
Louise created an audio series exercise where she would walk you through relaxing your entire body, starting with your head, face, cheeks, and eyes, and moving down through your toes. I listened to her meditations during the most stressful times of my early life, when I was working a 40-hour per week job, while also attending college full time.
I missed my family and, although I was starting to make friends in LA, I missed the friends I’d known for years. If I couldn’t pay my bills, I would have had to move home and I was determined to not have to do that and make a living and get good grades in school instead.
Her words helped me get the swirling thoughts out of my head and fall asleep at night so I could be ready to take on the next day. It helped so much during that difficult time, and the beautiful thing is, I now use Louise’s relaxation techniques on my 7 year old twins when they can’t fall asleep. It works every time.
2. Take Time for Yourself
You might say —of course, I take time for myself — but, do you? We move at such a rapid pace today that we are constantly distracted by work, family, kids, friends, push notifications on our phones, ads, advice for how to build our businesses… it can all be overwhelming. What cuts through the noise is taking downtime for ourselves to think.
My parents are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. They both worked full time while I was growing up. My mother was an elementary school teacher for 19 years and my dad traveled for work every week for most of my life. He flew out on Monday — all over the country for meetings — and returned home on Friday.
My mother worked a full time job and had me and our home to care for on her own most of the week. I learned from my mother — because this is what she did — to take one day on the weekend to do “nothing.” Meaning, no work, organizing, nothing around the house… just downtime for herself and to spend relaxing with family and friends.
I realize that I do this today because of watching her. Gift yourself one “down day” a week. I understand, if you’re caring for others, or a parent of young kids, this can be hard to do, maybe even impossible. I’ve been there.
As a mom of 7-year-old twins, whose “to do’s” literally never stop because kids can’t care for themselves yet, it’s still important to take a day not to worry about picking up, dishes, laundry, toys, what the house looks like, etc., and give yourself a break. You will be so ready for the next day and week ahead.
3. Realize What Really Makes You Happy
What brings us joy can change. When was the last time you did a real check-in with yourself? I used to love to run — miles and miles. While I still love to run, I’ve recently realized that I like doing other forms of workouts just as much.
In the past, I ran after work as a way to unwind from the day. Since I now have twins at home, I’ve recently started adding in cycling, boot camps, kickboxing, and stretching. I did these things before but nothing as consistent as running.
I’ve found that adding in different types of exercise is bringing me as much joy as running. Another example is writing. Before, I didn’t have the time to write and now I make the time. Writing has become a way to give my mind a mental break and escape the daily routine. I find my way back to remembering successes, how obstacles were overcome, and it’s nice to have self expression and a brief mental escape. Think about what truly brings you joy — it’s different for everyone — and carve out time to make that joy happen.
4. Figure Out What You’re Passionate About and Dive In
I’ve always had a love of advertising, marketing, and business development. I love to take an idea and see what I can do with it, where it can go, and if I can make it a reality. I also like the psychology behind it. In order to be successful in business development and marketing, you have to be able to read people, see trends, and stay innovative.
I have a sincere thirst for knowledge in this area and, while I can’t always dive in to my business or the knowledge as much as I want, I’ve learned to be patient with myself, which is not always easy when you feel the pull of trying to balance being a good parent and family member, and also having a sincere desire to advance in your career.
I have the confidence to know that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, that business will grow and I’ll have more and more time to put into the curiosity and passion that I have for the research of the changing landscape of marketing, advertising, consumer purchases, and the psychology behind it.
5. Focus On the Positive Habits
It can be incredibly challenging to ask yourself, am I living as healthy a lifestyle as I can? Although we strive for it, no one has a perfect balance of healthy eating, working out, use of technology, or time for family and friends.
It’s important to check in every once in a while and be real with ourselves. Are we doing too much of one thing and not enough of another — too much work, too much streaming of shows, not enough sleep, not enough spending time with family and friends, not enough time for ourselves/doing whatever brings us joy?
Check in with yourself, then focus on the positive habits. Don’t focus on the things you're not doing. It's so much easier to focus on the positive things you are doing. Focus on what you are doing and what positive habits you can add, then work day by day to bring those positive moments to life.
Never stop striving to experience the life and business that you crave.
With gratitude,
Melanie