Self-Love and Women's Empowerment

BY MAURI KONELL

“Pain is the reason we change. Discomfort is the reason we grow.” — Michael Gervais

Name one thing that grows without overcoming obstacles.

The definition of resiliency is the ability to recover from difficulties. In other words, you don’t get strong from doing the easy things. Every time you are in a valley, remind yourself that the climb back up is building your strength, resiliency, fortitude and, ultimately, your trust with yourself.

This is your true self-love.

Understanding True Self-Love

Self-love isn’t always bubble baths, face masks, rainbows, and unicorn farts — it’s getting uncomfortable. Oftentimes, on purpose and with purpose. Eating disorders, being addicted to drugs, alcohol, codependent relationships, my parent’s divorce (and their marriage prior), and my biggest heartbreak were my pain caves. They were my pain that catalyzed immense, life-altering change.

For most of my life, “no one will love you until you love yourself” played on repeat. But how do you DO self-love? I always wondered.

Finding the Strength and Courage to Change

Earlier this year, I shared with a group of wonderful teens in my program, Girls emPOWERment Experience, about my perfectionism, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, abandonment wounds, and all the ways I tried to cope with those things that absolutely altered the course of my entire life.

To paraphrase the extraordinary Glennon Doyle, eating disorders, substance abuse and alcoholism were not my problems. Eating disorders, substance abuse and alcoholism were my “very ineffective solutions to my real problems,” which were depression, anxiety, codependency, and in a nutshell, a profoundly deep absence of self-love and consequently, self-empowerment.

One wise, brave, strong gal asked – “but HOW did you really start changing?”

Great freaking question.

I got painfully honest with myself that nothing changes, if nothing changes.

I started looking at the roots of who I was, instead of just branches (ie. body image, food, boys, booze).

I realized I’d be uncomfortable either way – staying the same or trying something new.

And I accepted that I would rather be painfully uncomfortable acting my way into different thinking because I was no longer willing to live out the same loops.

I knew FOR SURE what would happen if I kept doing what I was doing. It had already been proven to me.

I had NO IDEA what would happen if I tried something different.

Changing was deeply uncomfortable. Almost every step of the way. I knew I was going to be uncomfortable either way — staying the same or doing something different — so I chose to get uncomfortable on purpose.

Over and over and over again when the impulse to do the “same” came up, when I wanted to act on my fear or from my scarcity mindset, I intentionally chose to do the opposite. I asked myself what I wanted and who I wanted to be, and then I did that. “What does SHE do?” I’d ask myself about my future self. We ACT our way into different thinking. After all, my very BEST thinking is what got me into trouble in the first place.

It certainly did NOT feel like a straight line up. There were obstacles, relapses, failures, more heartbreaks, loads of self-doubt, mistakes, hurt feelings, loss, heart-wrenching shower cries, and more. But, if I was going to be in pain, if I was going to get to truly know myself and understand this pain intimately, I was going to choose the path that could even possibly get me closer to what I wanted.

Even when I didn’t know exactly what that’d look like or how I’d get there. I was not ready. But I was willing.

I used the “STOP” acronym:

I learned about self-talk, and I learned how to train my mind, just like I learned how to train my body..

I proved to myself that I could do hard things, so I could back my self-talk up.
I trusted that more would be revealed.
And as a result, over years, I learned what trust felt like in myself.

Stop
Take a breath
Observe
Proceed

I chose the next right thing, over and over again.

I learned that I always have a choice in my reaction, to which of my thoughts I CHOOSE to act on.

I asked for help. We are never meant to do this alone

I went “ten minutes at a time,” on repeat.

I learned about self-talk, and I learned how to train my mind, just like I learned how to train my body.

I proved to myself that I could do hard things, so I could back my self-talk up.

I trusted that more would be revealed.

And as a result, over years, I learned what trust felt like in myself.

Was it worth it?

Infinitely.

Becoming Your Own Hero

I can’t imagine I’d be this proud of myself if I hadn’t been uncomfortable. I can’t imagine I’d love myself. Keep embracing discomfort. Know you have everything you need to climb up, out of the valley. Trust that you are exactly where you’re meant to be, and that every. step. matters.

Just like you hike up out of the valley, all you have to “do” is the next indicated step. One step at a time.

You are not alone. If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, you deserve to be loved and supported and YOU CAN do this.

We don’t think our way out of the thinking. The thinking is what got us there in the first place.

What is the next indicated action step you can take, in the direction of self-love? If your answer is “I don’t know,” good for you. That’s brave. If you’re not ready, but you’re willing to take the next step, please know that I am always here for you, always in your corner to help you be your own hero.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing my journey and for being on your own journey to self-love and self-empowerment.

With gratitude, love and the biggest hugs,

Mauri

ABOUT MAURI KONELL

Mauri is the founder and lead instructor of Girls emPOWERment Experience, a one-of-a-kind, renowned holistic program that develops confidence, courage, connection and creativity through movement, mindfulness, mindset and mental health. She works with girls, teens and women in group and individual sessions, as well as workshops for Girl Scouts, NCL, GALA, and other public and private schools in the South Bay, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, and virtually worldwide. She uses her own personal experiences in mental health, as well as her expertise in Psychology, child development and over 10 years of teaching experience with children and adults. You can see her in various CrossFit competitions, fitness clothing and lifestyle brands, on Million Dollar Mile (CBS), and you’ll catch her on the trails, beaches, mountains, in the ocean, grabbing a Huckleberry breakfast burrito or Sidecar doughnut, or cuddling at home with her fur baby and fiancé on any given day.

Connect with me on Instagram: @maurihelena and @girlsempowermentexperience

Get support to live your best life: mauri@girlsempowermentexperience.com

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