Break What’s Holding You Back

Speaker 1: hi I'm Melanie bar welcome to the she builted experience with Melanie you're here because you want to experience the life and business that you crave join me as I talk to women who have successfully built it a career and business that they love we dive into the topic of how they built it and talk about everything from Having the courage to make career leaps to the details of how to lead effectively create successful teams Implement strategies for growth and Infuse Tech innovation magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy so let's dive in I'm so thrilled to introduce Melissa masat Melissa is an entrepreneur and the founder of realign coaching and Consulting she helps Empower and teach entrepreneurs how to elevate their mindset accelerate sales and make the perfect higher in their business so that they can scale with ease Melissa understands how to build and grow a business she has over 10 years of sales experience and has sold over A1 million in residential real estate please tell us who you are and about your early career experiences leading to becoming the founder of realign coaching and Consulting would

Speaker 2: love to and thank you so much for having me it comes from starting out in a theater performing arts background and really trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and make money and all the things which led me to Las Vegas which got me into real estate not knowing anything about it not knowing it was Commission only I was 24 years old it was 2009 which was the bottom of the market a lot of Realtors were leaving because they didn't want to work two three four times as hard for half the money and I always say that perspective is everything because I was so used to being broke from theater and working multiple jobs trying to get by in La that real estate was still a lot of money to me even though the average sales price was $100,000 which you could buy a house for less than $100,000 at the time time to me I was like this is still a ton of money that led me to building a business without realizing that's what I was doing I didn't know it was commission I didn't know I was basically becoming an entrepreneur had to learn hiring and sales and Leadership and all of the things that are involved in residential real estate and that also led to burnout it led to feeling like I wasn't enough not good enough I wasn't doing what I was capable of I knew I could sell more I didn't know how to lead other people wasn't working a lot of lessons which led me on a personal development journey and the past six years have really been digging deep in figuring out why I felt this way and why things weren't working which led me to NLP neurolinguistic programming uh in 2019 and that 4-day certification training opened my eyes to so much of what was holding me back how I was holding myself back realign was actually started within 30 days of that training and became my mission to share with other entrepreneurs for those that

Speaker 1: don't know anything about that kind of training can you share with us what that

Speaker 2: actually is sure so neural linguistic programming is basically the language of your mind your thoughts your beliefs and it was a a certification training to learn not just about it but actually teach us how to use it whether we were coach whether with clients or just in our own lives to me it just kind of opened my eyes to why my brain was processing information the way that it was why I was holding back where I was feeling stuck I was out of alignment I was not doing what actually I wanted to do with my life I just wasn't understanding that message coming through so the 4day training was an amazing eye opening experience of I complained about something for like years and a 20-minute exercise cleared it up for me I was like are you kidding me like how did I not learn about this sooner it's what we can do to get in our own way and hold ourselves back and when we put ourselves into that position of what our passions really are how our career takes off and when we show that to the world the world is so much more

Speaker 1: receptive to us in return absolutely what has building a successful career in real estate taught you and how does that help you in your coaching practice

Speaker 2: today oh my goodness I learned more lessons in the crch is going through it firsthand than I ever would have probably asked for whether it was Leadership Lessons because I wanted to grow a team and that means I had other agents who were working underneath me I had employees I've never again theater major never had a real job in my life is what I like to call it and here I am having someone on payroll and having standards and expectations that didn't exist so I'd say everything I Lear from 12 Years in real estate has now really given me the knowledge in order to coach and teach and share now about becoming a leader having a CEO mindset talking about profitability I didn't even know what a p&l was when I got my license someone's like what's your p&l I'm like I don't even know what you're talking about profit and loss what is that I was that new in green to all of it so yeah I would say everything in real estate pretty much sales how to hire how to lead others how to build a business foundations in your business setting standards and expectations and mindset for sure it's amazing how when you build a business from the ground up you put yourself through your own business school because you have to learn every part of that business and I have a background in sales as well and I first started out having to pick up the phone or reach out to people I didn't know and I'm actually so grateful for that training and I I

Speaker 1: would guess you are too because it teaches you that persistence to get to

Speaker 2: that yes absolutely and that's what I found so fascinating entering this world of Entrepreneurship and coaches and digital online businesses a lot of people have never had sales training and I didn't even realize that was a skill I had learned I took all of it for granted

Speaker 1: pretty much thinking I still haven't had a corporate job right like I I tend to like diminish and lower what I've learned or what I've done because to me it doesn't feel like anything special or anything important also if it's something you love you just do it naturally I actually love sales too and sometimes sales let's call it business development whatever you want to call it you know businesses need sales and I actually love it it's so fun to think of a client or an opportunity and see if you can make it happen and I would assume that's the same with you yes and to me it's communication it's language it's understanding people and now I teach about sales and Rapport and how to read other people and speak their language and there's so much more to it I think that's my favorite part is kind of reframing the mindset behind it instead of feeling like oh I'm I love when people say oh I'm not a pushy salesperson I don't want to be a pushy I'm like who does no one asked you to do that like please don't do that sales is helping people and so kind of seeing that transformation that happens when people learn that it's not about hard pushy closing and like nobody please like nobody wants that no no and there's definitely a psychology to it and when you put yourself in the mindset of you're helping someone with what you're providing them it's so much easier

Speaker 2: definitely and I love that we're talking about this because literally this morning that's the videos I was recording was all about sales and teaching and putting a mini digital course together because I find that this is something that so many people have just never learned and I'm sure you feel the same way like I didn't even realize I was learning it as I was in it and objection handlers and scripts and like you said the psychology behind it there's so much to it and negotiating exactly and we like to call it the company that I'm with for Real Estate we like to call it win-win what's the win-win right how does everybody win in this situation and I think when you come at negotiations from a place of everyone not even compromising but what is the benefit everybody is looking for again I think there is a lot of the psychology the mindset getting deep into why somebody wants something in the first place tell us about your most memorable

Speaker 1: experience that you've had while building your business and real estate there's quite a few I'd say the big aha for me was understanding what boundaries standards and expectations actually meant I had hired employees I had no idea if they were the right person or not were they doing their job it it's especially entrepreneur ship real estate there is no one way there is no set way so you could hire an assistant for example and okay now what it's not a one-size fits-all everyone's different everyone's business is different and so I made my first hire in 2013 and just made a lot of mistakes and not understanding if it was the right person was it me so I think the biggest lesson was I'm realizing that a lot of the times when I was beating myself up and thinking I wasn't a good leader and I'm not a good business owner and it's not working and it must be me I actually didn't have the right people around me and it's not a pointing fingers it's not oh it was their fault not mine no it was when 100% my fault but my ownership in it was not holding them to standards and expectations and not being clear but that to me was probably the biggest lesson and I figured got out or really learned it finally in like 2019 like it took six years of me feeling like it must be my fault it's all me if it's not working I'm a terrible leader and punishing myself blaming myself feeling guilt and then I understood to look at evidence and is it clear what's expected of them and did they do it or did they not and that changed everything when you're wearing all the hats it can be really hard because you've got all the the balls in the air and you got to make sure that they don't drop so it can be hard to either train someone or sometimes you can get complacent and think oh well the work's getting done but the important question really is is it getting done in the way that you want it to go for your business and there's a difference between checking boxes off a list and like helping you grow improving systems and again everyone that I has worked for me in the past there were amazing opportunities amazing relationships and I also see now where I held myself in the back in the business to go get more business which really was my main job and I would take my foot off the gas I would hold back I would shut down because I felt like we couldn't handle it because we didn't have systems in place because there were mistakes happening and I didn't understand that's what was going on I looked at it again as why am I not pushing through why am I not sucking it up why am I not doing more why am I taking my foot off the gas and Sab sabotaging I didn't understand it's because the business physically couldn't handle it I couldn't handle it I was already shutting down breaking down you're only one person and if the right people aren't in place you can't do it all yourself yes and so even though I had help that's what I mean it wasn't the right help where we weren't growing and I didn't understand why so again I blame myself so that it's been a lot of the the personal work I've been working on over the years is that it's not about punishing yourself and blaming yourself that that's not what taking ownership and responsibility means because that's what I had heard as the leader it's all on your shoulders if it's not working it's you if your people aren't working it's you right so I took that almost too literally it's so amazing what happens when we have the right people in place that are living their passions and doing what they wake up every day excited to

Speaker 2: do and this is such good information for our listeners because I know as all the the type A leadership personalities listening to this podcast we have all been there and we have all had that experience so it's always really good to

Speaker 1: hear a reminder too so we can go back to those moments and still continue to grow because we we all want to grow and keep innovating so it's a good reminder to check in with ourselves and make sure we're not lagging in any of those areas where we really want to be

Speaker 2: Innovative exactly what gave you the courage to launch an open realign coaching and Consulting what made you decide to make that life and career leap

Speaker 1: so this is something that had been on my mind and in my heart for a long time I knew I wanted to coach I knew I wanted to speak and teach and I had that limiting belief of who am I to do this I haven't achieved enough I haven't accomplished enough I'm not there yet so someday when I I don't know when I triple my business I had crazy rules around when I would be ready and that's what was so powerful about that NLP training is I realized the reason I wasn't tripling my business and growing the real estate business and doing all the things is because that's not what I really wanted to be doing and so I put this standard on myself of well I have to suck it up and do it otherwise I haven't earned the right to go do what I really want which also meant that because it wasn't working I took that again literally is like I'm not meant to be doing any of this at all so therefore I guess I'll never get to have what I want I guess I just have to suffer I

Speaker 2: mean it's very I know theater background very dramatic it's so interesting that you say this because you had a successful business in real estate so to come from that place this is so good for our listeners to hear because we have all felt like this in the past we could be happy in our lives we could be successful in making money in our careers but still feel like we're not

Speaker 1: enough yes and and that's the thing I was seeing recognition externally right like I was getting recognized in my brokerage I was getting recognized in in different places in Las Vegas and all the things but I was surrounded by people doing so much more than me that I felt like I wasn't even doing anything like I was embarrassed about like how little I was doing which saying that now I'm like oh my gosh if the average agent sells four homes a year and you know 12 homes a year you're in like the top 25% and I think my biggest was 44 homes bum myself myself not buying leads not having a friends or family or sphere here I literally cold called door knocked was on the phones every day but in the moment I'm like but it's not 100 it's not 75 I was still so far behind but I wasn't even comparing Apples to Apples because people do buy leads in their business and some people are really successful and they spend a lot of money on marketing and I wasn't doing any of it but I was almost convinced to think that what I was doing still wasn't enough and so I really believed like this still isn't anything and when I tell people like the look on your face right now when I tell people like no I did it without leads without knowing anyone literally cold calling every

Speaker 2: single day oh that actually is that yeah

Speaker 1: that does take some skill a tremendous amount and you what you built is amazing and this is a really good reminder because we all feel like this at times we can look at things on social media and think oh I'm not far enough right but it's to have joy in where you are today and to keep putting one foot in front of the other until you grow to where you really want to be and have that belief in yourself but this is such a good reminder because we have all felt like this at times especially during the

Speaker 2: time at home oh for sure and I actually want to share it was the NLP training that helped me get out of my own way and realize I am ready there was one other thing I heard that really helped it's not that you have to have achieved it yourself you have to be able to see it and have the vision the best sports coaches are not necessarily the best players and a lot of coaches use that as their own marketing pitch of well I achieve this success so why would you listen to someone who hasn't done it themselves and that's what was playing in the back of my head is well I haven't done it yet but did I know exactly what it would have taken to do it yes do I see the path and how someone would need to get there absolutely could I help somebody and and that was kind of the reframe for me that made me start to see like hold on a second what am I waiting for I absolutely know how to build and grow a business and I started slowly realizing hold on a second pre-qualifying a listing appointment is the same thing as pre-qualifying a a coaching client it completely applies I just keep forgetting or wanting to convince myself otherwise but that was a huge shift for me is kind of that like you just need to be like one step ahead or you need to be able to see where they need to go it's not that you physically had to do it you're so right because

Speaker 1: even looking at technology today there is so much out there and there is no way that any one single person has a handle on all of it so it's having the confidence in ourselves to say I'm going to figure this particular piece out right don't look at the whole entire puzzle go piece by piece because to your point it's easy to think oh I don't know enough yeah we're never going to know it all right I think knowing an information is not the issue it is taking messy action and by the by the way you're never going to feel ready it's never going to be perfect it really is just taking that jump and going for it and and realizing that you're going to call the right people to you and not everybody clicks with everyone so this is something I have to remind myself daily I am different than everyone else out there so I might say the exact same thing as somebody else but they might go to them because they click with them or they might come to me because they click with me so this scarcity m ality Well everybody's doing it it's saturated it's who am I to to do it well there's people out there who click with you in your message and the way you deliver it so true I love messy action and you're right completely believe that there is space for everyone absolutely what do you like the most about what you do now

Speaker 2: I love the freedom to create exactly what I want that supports me that I can make a difference and impact help others and there's literally no rules in terms of what it has to look like what I'm supposed to be doing it's given me so much space and time back in my life that I didn't even realize I didn't have for so many years I was truly go go go 247 hustle grind it out seven days a week and even when I thought I was scaling back and slowing down I wasn't I was still probably working 50 60 plus hours a week on my computer on weekends we tend to just say yes and pile it on let's go so that's been I think the biggest gift is this has really taught me so much on what getting my life back actually means and what that looks like in space to just kind of be so true and

Speaker 1: I love how you say there are no rules because coming from your background and I come from a corporate background in my early career you get used to structure and then when you make that leap to become entrepreneur you feel like you have to follow these rules and then one day you wake up and you think wait there are no rules I'm setting the rules I'm building whatever it is I'd like to build or create and how beautiful so that's that's really great and I'm sure that you really love when you have a successful relationship with a coaching

Speaker 2: client absolutely and and to me these conversations teaching speaking creating these digital courses it really is my happy place and seeing the transformation that can happen and seeing someone realize oh wait a second I don't need to beat myself up because I'm not waking up at 5:00 a.m. I thought I had to wake up at 5:00 a.m. to be successful or whatever it is that to me that's just so empowering and inspiring to see getting that freedom and their time back it's amazing and I know that

Speaker 1: everything you're saying is resonating with listeners because even if we are successful and we are doing really good things in the world those moments still and I'm I'm a pretty positive person but even with the most positive person those thoughts can creep back in occasionally we're human and I think we forget that sometimes as I was doing a lot of the inner work and the healing and all the things I asked my coach at the time I thought I wasn't supposed to get upset or depressed or you know I'm doing all the work why am I still feeling this way and her response I will never forget it was Melissa you're human you're going to feel emotions it's not having a disproportionate or overreaction but if something bad happens you have every right to feel upset or to be sad and I think that's a huge thing especially in society suppressing our emotions and hiding it I shouldn't feel this way when entrepreneurship is the most intense roller coaster of emotions I joked with someone the other day that you know that like roller coaster looking thing it's like I feel great oh my God what am I doing with my life like it's up and down thing and I I made a comment that I sometimes go through that hourly depending on the hour I'm either life is amazing or like an hour later I'm like what am I doing who am I it's not going to work who's GNA buy it that's a scale of typ a if you're really type I think you can go through those flows pretty Qui pretty quickly yeah and they were like are you okay I'm like no I'm fine it's just a day in the life like this is part of it so yeah I think this is where having support systems having Mastermind groups that's what I've learned having a support system to help you get through those a little faster so you don't get

Speaker 2: stuck there 100% what is your strategy for management for staying on task to accomplish what you set out to do and

Speaker 1: for motivating your teams my first response that came up was delegate so right get as much off my list as possible I would say it's making sure you're staying in your strength Zone and staying really focused on what actually matters I have a really long list of things to do today but if I really looked at it what actually matters and would move the business forward is two things but why are there 20 on there so I think that's my tactic is to prioritize get really clear if it's not in your strength Zone if it doesn't really matter delete it delegate it save it for another time where you do the minor tasks uh and same thing with my team I'm always reminding them what actually matters what are you doing right now that are Administrative Assistant could take over what are you doing that you could get support with especially real estate right now it's a little crazy buyers agents are running around writing 50 offers it's a little intense so we've even started delegating showings where can you get an hour back in your life and have somebody else do it for you that's been huge for

Speaker 2: everybody really good advice to look at what's the most important and to let those little things fall off or put off until tomorrow how has your business shifted over the last year what obstacle obstacles have you been able to overcome and what successes have you had it's

Speaker 1: been a lot of self-discovery in figuring out what I even want this business to look like and realizing how much I was still overcommitted to so last year in my head I was full-time with RI line and I didn't realize it I was also still full-time in real estate I sold 11 homes I was leading a team I was in covid there was probably a hundred things on my plate that were like not actually moving my business forward the last year the biggest challenge was kind of finding myself again and what I wanted this to look like again not following other people's rules really just staying true to myself and figuring out what that looked like and then I'd say the biggest win was actually stepping out of real estate sales January 1

Speaker 2: congratulations good for you thank you

Speaker 1: and it's so funny because that was something i' had wanted for years that was my dream was to run a business and a team and I don't sell they handle it and what's hilarious about all of this and

Speaker 2: just in exactly on point of what we've been talking about I wasn't ready the business wasn't thriving and I was like okay I'm ready to step out now everything's perfect I just decided that was it I just decided to stop saying yes when a past client or a referral came in because it was like my cryptonite I was like oh it's it's just one more deal oh it's just a listing oh it's a million client it can't be that much time and energy and that's like so

Speaker 1: not how it works in real estate so your business is your baby though and you built it and for anyone building a business I don't think there's ever a right time I think everybody needs that push to make the leap out either out of the business to relax and go do something else or to build another business so good for you for making that

Speaker 2: that leap and transition thank you all of a sudden I have all this time to actually create this business I wanted and create digital courses and and record podcasts and do all the things if this was six months ago my schedule was literally back to back all day every single day I wouldn't even have time to do anything until after like six or seven o'clock I can't even answer emails yet how did I manage to keep putting more and more on my schedule that I had these ideas for courses I had these ideas for podcasts and speaking and teaching I didn't give myself any room or time to actually do it so it's yeah it's been a game changer magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves

Speaker 1: and our business that brings us joy what is one tip you can leave with us today about how you find and live your joy

Speaker 2: okay so this is probably like my favorite topic ever and my favorite quote that when you're in alignment you don't need accountability or Force because you're inspired to take action you're true to who you are you're literally in your rength Zone you are inspired to take action you're inspired to make things happen you don't need more discipline you're not avoiding procrastinating that's where the magic happens that's where ease and flow exists that's where you can do more with less because you are happy you are attracting more abundance to you because you're abundant and happy and joyful and it sounds counterintuitive for our type A overachieving go-getters I need to do more and it's not about doing more it's doing less and attracting it to you so

Speaker 1: true I love it Melissa thank you so much for joining us today can you please tell our listeners how and where they can

Speaker 2: find you yes so Instagram Melissa Mett I created a quiz that is nine questions and it's helping you see where you might be stuck in your business or where the next step is to grow your business so that you can find at Melissa masot

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