Inside the Expat Life

Speaker 1: hi I'm Melanie bar welcome to the she builted experience with Melanie you're here because you want to experience the life and business that you crave join me as I talk to women who have successfully built it a career and business that they love we dive into the topic of how they built it and talk about everything from Having the courage to make career leaps to the details of how to lead effectively create successful teams Implement strategies for growth and Infuse Tech innovation magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy so let's dive in Wanita Ingram is breaking down barriers and empowering others as an award-winning attorney filmmaker author fashion philanthropist and actress currently living in Singapore and formerly residing in London and Taiwan she's also a wife mother of two and is the founder in CEO of purpose Productions Inc a 501c3 woman-led production company she is also the founder of Dress for Success greater London and Dress for Success Chattanooga and recently received the 2021 NAACP Ruby Hurley image award thank you so much for joining me today Wanita you are an author attorney an actress please share with us more about who you are I'm a wife a mom of two uh my husband and I have been married for 17 years I'm originally from the US uh from Chattanooga Tennessee I started my expat journey and living abroad about 10 years ago I'm also a filmmaker I call myself a recovering attorney turn turn filmmaker I've just been fortunate enough to to have some really cool experiences and pursuing things that are not only fulfilling but hopefully inspiring and and enriching for other people as well it was so inspiring to read about you and now to get to know you you are also an author and you wrote a book series can you share with us about your series and the inspiration behind it sure I wrote three inspirational books for women two of them faith-based well really all of them are faith-based I am a a person um of faith I don't really say a spiritual person but a person of faith my background is Christianity my parents uh raised me in the church my mother's been a minister of Music since she was nine my father is a pastor I I say I was raised under the orgon and so I grew up in church my whole life the first book that I wrote was called winning with Christ the second book was called Beauty for Ashes which was actually a collection of testimonies from women all over the world about how God had brought them through difficult situations and the last one was called fabulous faithful and free which is really non-denominational sort of uh secular I don't really reference scripture but the Basin and core of who you are it comes through through and then I have a seven-part children series called the wonderfully made Pals and it is a multicultural faith-based children's series uh because when raising my kids I was trying to find books that were Multicultural or at least it had characters that kind of looked like them because I think it's so important for kids to see things that look like them and all I can find was Veggie Tales which I loved but kids aren't vegetables so right so I thought about you know well how can I make a series that all children can see themselves in the characters it can help open the door for certain topics for parents we talk about everything from anti-bullying to fear and it's scripture based but there's Latina kids there Asian kids African-American kids so there's it's a plethora of different characters I named the first two after my children so there's K Kinley that teaches kids about kindness towards others courageous Keenan and confident Keenan and so that's based on second Timothy 210 um that God hasn't given us a spirit of fear because Keenan is scared about whatever is underneath his bed true story and then uh the other one is called uh wonderfully made Wanita which is really my story growing up about being bullied and having braces and glasses and being in the marching van and just being a little bit different from everyone else and it's about you know anti-bullying but also just self-acceptance so that's that's all the PIN to paper that I put thus far I am working on uh my next book uh which will be about female leadership and some of the things that I have learned and experiences that I've had in being uh a female director and executive producer and just being in a very male-dominated field from being a lawyer to creating this show and series and just being a woman and leading and that is interesting it is very interesting I worked for the Los Angeles Dodgers for several years and I understand working in mostly male dominated Industries and it's really great that you created your book series for kids because I have 8-year-old Twins and the questions that come home really early my daughter at 7 said Mom do boys have more friend problems or do girls and I'm thinking wow these questions are coming up really early or they'll come home and say oh soone said said something to me at school today and so it's so important to teach them just because someone says something about you doesn't mean that that's necessarily true you know so I find myself saying these things to them um so it's really great that you created that series for kids and that you're continuing to empower women you have lived in multi multiple countries and currently have your own show on Amazon tell us about your show and what that experience has been like for you and I have to ask where is your favorite place that you have lived yes so the show is called the expats international ingrams it is the first reality docu series based show about being an xat and living abroad I came up with the idea of the show 7 years ago when we were living in London I was an entertainment attorney at the time I had entertainment clients in the reality space and and doing their agreements and negotiating their deals and being on sets and filming I just got to know that genre and I saw that there's a gap that no one had really showcased the life that I was living in unscripted TV especially now it's unscripted but it's very highly produced and I think people start to feel that and see that I wanted to create something that was one familyfriendly and then two that was extremely authentic and that is very hard to do I'm a member of the television Academy and I was sitting in a workshop one day about casting in reality TV and everybody's Journey was different than than mine even in the way that I I cast it for the show these were people that I gotten to know and that were my friends it's just a story about uh my life and we like to say that our our show is based on a foundation of edutainment so that's a phrase that was coined by the Black Panthers back in the 70s and it's about being educational but also entertaining and finding that right balance and so it is very authentic is it still yes all shows are produced I don't have a crew running around following me at all times there are things that are very intentional in terms of capturing certain experiences but it is very authentic and I tell people all the time you know it's it's dramatic enough living abroad you don't have to make up story lines or have a negative drama sort of formula for entertainment it's been a great journey my favorite place that we live this far it's is very hard because I I really feel like every place that we went to was so purposeful at the time that we were there so we I lived in London for almost five years then we were in Taiwan for the last two years and literally just moved 3 months ago to Singapore and every place every country has uh significant great aspects to it there's no perfect place but I definitely know that for example when we moved to London you know the the inspiration for the show we used to do this Soul Fu Sunday thing where we would gather as African-Americans and and I don't know how I like attracted all the African-American people everywhere I go I don't know how that happens I'm just a so my daughter's a social butterfly too I just meet people so we would have these potluck kind of events and we were at one of them and we would rotate houses and this was like three or four years in and we were celebrating this one family that was getting ready to go back home and we had this barbecue there were probably about 40 of US 35 40 of us there barbecuing Frankie Beverly maaz Beyonce was playing you know kids were running on the lawn we could have been anywhere and then I looked up and there was Windsor Castle in the background because we were living in Ascot Windsor area at the time and it just I just stopped and I was like wow this is a show because when I looked around especially from the lens of being africanamerican and how we are depicted in the unscripted genre so often it is the same sort of regurgitated storyline same Narrative of characters you don't really see people who are defining success from almost a normalized position of we actually just went to college and worked really hard nobody was like a rapper or an athlete not that there's anything wrong with that because it's a great Showcase of talent but it was almost the extraordinary from the ordinary in life it was just different I assume it's so exciting and fun to make the moves but also lonely so it's so great that you were able to bring bring people together and then see the vision for your show oh thanks it's not only in the sense that and this is the advice that I always give to all trailing spouses or accompanying spouses or whatever you want to however you want to call it you got to find purpose in the move for yourself individually that is not attached to anybody else and once you do that it becomes less lonely it's funny you mention that this time around even in moving to Singapore I've already made friends in fact next week we start filming here some folks that I I've already met more African-American people I don't know I'm like a a magnet even non you know I'm I'm so happy with the show in that we showcase a variety of different ethnicities especially we've been filming season 2 so we have a lot of people from various walks of life various backgrounds and I really wanted to expand the depth of the show in terms of show casing xats period And I think what helps with loneliness I I was just two weeks ago I thought I felt lonely and I remember I I thought to myself remember where I was standing in my bedroom I was like man I hate moving because it's so lonely in the beginning and then I stopped myself and I said what are you really feeling are you really lonely because you're standing in a house full of people with two kids and a husband and you're meeting all these are you lonely and it wasn't the loneliness it wasn't that I was actually feeling oh I'm sad I'm alone it was the newness I hate being new I hate not knowing I hate having to start all over again and the being unfamiliar is frustrating I was actually in the process of trying to to find a crew here and casting and also groceries you know yes you said those things about your show you you almost don't need to make anything up because every day is got to be such a new adventure for you things are going to go right things are going to go wrong everything you need to make a show interesting is is there and happening in your daily life yes I mean the thing is in storytelling and in especially in the unscripted genre the the idea what they call our high stakes so what are your high stakes what are going to be your pece your art even if it were in scripted television you have arcs right you have uh you always have the good person the bad person you have story line you always reach an arc or a peak on each one of those story lines for each character unscripted television is not that different it's the concept of telling a story or bringing an audience along for a journey is the same each character just so happens to be my daughter my my son myself you know but what are going to be the experiences or the story lines and the arcs in those storylines it's the same concept it's just in unscripted television sometimes s and I've been on set and I've seen this happen where producers will have to create arguments between people and conflict in order for there to be something interesting that just isn't necessary when you live abroad everything is nothing is easy nothing is orinary you know even with just trying to uh in season two we Explore More of of my journey of being vegan or trying to be vegan and going to the grocery store and not really being able to read ingredients so I don't know if egg in these breadcrumbs or not because I can't read it it's simple things and we've been approached now that after season one and we've had tremendous amount of success and awards and recognition and when when I was creating the show and trying to pitch it before I filmed it no one could understand what I was talking about they thought it was a travel show I got a lot of rejections a lot of not because no one has seen you know when you're doing something for the first time it's very hard and you'll experience a lot of rejections and that's whether you're starting your own business you may be doing something that is new and people will say well is it really necessary because it hasn't been done you just get a lot of people that sometimes they can't see your vision that you have because it's yours and I literally got rejected so much that I just said fine I'm just going to film it myself because one I'm running out of time I knew that the move portion is where the majority of drama happens and sett in into a new space and I'm like these people take forever they're going to miss the the good parts it's just the things that happen when you're living abroad from being new and really the overall theme of the show is overcoming change and navigating through change and I think that's why so many people relate to the show because they're common themes although they're taking place in these amazing places it's about the dramatic journey of navigating ch and that is a common experience for us all whether you're doing that internationally or domestically whether you're moving to a new country or whether you're starting a new job or entering a new relationship the newness of it all and so I go back to you know what was frustrating me was being new and being in Singapore and not knowing where to go and buy butter and not knowing how to get you know it was just the frustrating aspect of okay now I have to go to Google Google Maps and hope that this is the right place that I'm getting to in the middle of a pandemic through you know restrictions and mask and the whole nine and so it's just who needs a produced storyline when we're living abroad in the middle of a pandemic you know and it's so inspiring because you could say okay I'm just going to stay home and do the minimum I'm not going to just stretch myself and learn the ways of this country last week I went through cultural training here so each you know we're corporate exps we move from my husband's job although my husband would laugh and say you know maybe my my job is the one that's moving us but clearly God has a purpose for you and I don't know who's driving you've made a beautiful experience out of it we moved to London the first four months I sat on the couch and I went into a very deep depression and I didn't even know what trailing spouse syndrome or tra spouse Depression was until I was researching for the show like six s years later and I read it I didn't know know that was a thing and when I I read about it I was like oh my gosh that was me I I sat there because as a lawyer one we don't tote well you know when you go through studying for the bar exam and passing the bar and you work really hard no one does all of that because they don't want to be a lawyer but so often times we equate our self-worth um who we are with what we do and I was that person you know I was oneita the attorney I didn't have any other hyphens to my name that was it I hadn't written a book I hadn't done any I started acting when I was a kid but then I I I went off and adulted but I really equated my identity with being a lawyer and I couldn't be a lawyer in the traditional way and so then who was I what was I uh even though I was a mom at the time and still a wife and I love my kids and my kids love me my kids are social beings like I am they wanted you know to be around other kids I had to get a life and I didn't know how to do that but I think finding your purpose I invested in a life coach which was very helpful I think anybody who's navigating through through change or an interesting period in life give yourself permission that you don't have to do it alone and even if that means maybe you don't know anybody in the area but there's always online life coaches or enlisting some help to help you navigate and once I did that and got up off the couch and really started to live I met great people not only other expats but some of my closest friends to this day are folks who I met along the Journey of opening dress for success or acting in London who are local londoners who are some of my greatest friends to this day I think that's when you really start to live it's when you explore so I made a a pack with myself uh when I moved to Singapore to fight off the low men cuz yes I have the show and but we're almost done rapping season two so there won't be that much of Singapore I told myself two days a week you will explore new things about Singapore I had cultural training and the woman was surprised that I've been here for four months and the majority of things she said I should go and do and see I'd already i' already done because you have to make a commitment my kids are in school during the day my husband's at work yes I have a busy schedule but if I don't take some self-care time sometimes you just need to do things for yourself really good advice I have 8-year-old Twins and it wasn't until my twins were born when I learned to really appreciate self-care just from the sleepless nights and when you're alone you think wow I'm alone and alone should be normal at times sometimes my friends will call me they're like it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon what are you why you taking a bath I'm like I wasn't really dirty I just know by yeah just by myself this is awesome I'm so with you there you are founder and current chairman of the Board of Trustees for Dress for Success greater London and Chattanooga what is your passion for supporting Dress for Success I love what the charity does and honestly my passion is because I understand how the women feel I was downsized right after I had my daughter in the economic crisis of 2008 I was a real estate attorney and a retail real estate attorney at that so I found myself you know the economic crisis affected a lot of different areas real estate was One retail was one I found myself in the vortex of both those I'm like how did I get here why did I pick this area of Law and I work for one of the largest retail real estate reats or shopping mall developers in the world at the time we should have saw the writing on the wall because eventually everybody was leaving like we didn't have Engineers The Architects were leaving like everybody was getting getting downsized or or fired and we l i I looked around I was like huh I don't really have anybody to work with that's that's odd and then one day our our department was gone and I know what it's like because addess for Success what we do is we really Empower women through through through fashion but we dress women from the inside out giving them interview training and interview attire to get back in the workplace and so we help unemployed women become gainfully employed and that comes with a lot in terms of backgrounds of the demographic of women that we serve both International chapters or Affiliates of the charity there are 155 Affiliates 35 countries um all over the world and so I started the London affiliate and just recently in 2020 launched the Chattanooga affiliate in the middle of the pandemic cuz I'm crazy um but we had planned for almost a little over a year and I just refuse to let the pandemic stop us from existing I'm like this is horrible it's so needed because so many women have left the workforce too and it's amazing what women can accomplish with just a little support sometimes I always say no one succeeds in a bubble and we all just need even when you go for a new job interview and you call your girlfriend you're like okay I'm going for this interview can you look over my resume can you ask me a couple questions can you help me warm up you know if you don't have that support system imagine trying to do all of that by yourself so we want to be the girlfriends that everybody has to to help them warm up with the mock interview I honestly think especially for example our London affiliate we've got a 80% success rate which means that 80% of the women that come to us the first time for the whatever job they're going for they're successful at they come through our doors or through our programs and that is because sometimes you just need a boost what motivates me to do it is because I understand so when in 2008 When I Was Made redundant as they say in London or downsized as we say in the US it took me 11 months to find another job 2008 was a real economic crisis if you were there like it was rough and it really hit the legal Community very hard I know what it's like to file for unemployment because that's what continue to pay for my child's daycare in order to get unemployment you have to apply for a job every week and so I applied for 49 positions until I got my next job 11 months later I actually created another human my my son was born during that time because why not I had time on my hands it was a very trying time I know what it's like to want to work and not be able to to be highly qualified I had a law degree an accounting degree an NBA and the market was what it was but it the erosion on confidence uh is real and after a while I was already a volunteer for Dress for Success at the time that it happened and I remember thinking about if these women could do it and maintain hope and faithfulness and continue to push forward and they were certainly in in harder circumstances than I was us but it gave me the strength to continue to push forward but every woman that walks through our doors I see a bit of myself in them because I've been out of work before and wanted to have a job and have some of them applied 10 15 20 times and still getting rejected even though we were in the middle of a economic crisis and I was highly qualified after a while you start to wonder is it me what's wrong with me I understand the questions that go through their minds so I think I always say it's is one thing to encourage somebody from a place of uh Theory from an idealistic place to tell a woman it's going to be okay you know you'll get through this it's another thing to be qualified to do that through experience it's a nonprofit business but what gives me the tenacity to do it in a country where that I'm not from through through all the odds and to stick with it I'm still the chair of the board in London I'm I'm I'm chairing in Chattanooga what what keeps me there is the passion and being able to to Really identify with the women that were helping and to know that we all need help I needed help there were women that that gathered around me that I had such a great support system during that time and I just want to be that person for as many women as I possibly can so that's the why you're an inspiration because you can't be what you can't see and you're helping people to see oh well thank you I appreciate that it's it's very true even if you can't see your way through a situation it's uh opportunity exposure and it's funny because when I I got a life coach going back to that first four months and sitting in London and being lonely and being sad and searching for identity and purpose um Beyond just when we moved to London my son was 15 months old and I was still breastfeeding at the time outside of of breastfeeding changing diapers and and ironing clothes and doing laundry I need needed a greater meaning for getting up every day um and I i' say that without apology because for some some women that's enough for me it was not but being able to get a life coach and figure out what was the why in me what was my driving force what got me up to do whatever it was that I was going to do and she helped me to see that there was a a replete theme throughout everything I volunteered for at the time I had done a couple of page and The Miz Division and my my my platforms were always things that empowered women and um helping other women and women's empowerment was a thing replete throughout everything that I did because when you're making a shift and you're rebuilding yourself or making a pivot and you're starting something new people will put you in a box and put a lid on it and sometimes we hold that lid down somebody hand a LD and we're like oh I guess this goes on top of my head I guess I shouldn't do this I've been called everything from flighty to oh you just seem like you're all over the place what on Earth made you do that people were I had PE women who were critical of me acting critical of me starting dress for success in London that see I remember this one woman told me that just seems like a lot of work dear why would you want to do that you know you seem like you're really scattered and all over the place and you'll hear those type of narratives from other people that have um labels or limits for you to projecting really onto you especially if you're doing something that is within your wheelbarrow within your bandwidth I had a woman on on one of the shows that I did called Legal notion which was a talk show we had a guest on and she said God sometimes gives everybody a different Highway some people have a two lane Highway some people have a five Lane highway but you're going to drive on your Highway and sometimes I have five lanes and other people have two there's nothing wrong with that but people will say that there's something wrong with your Express we I've been called flighty in the beginning now they get it but the first person I had to convince was myself and finding that commonality of you know what I had this whole purpose statement that she made up for me which was very profound and spiritual I don't even remember it now I remember remember it started out with like I am a beacon of Light Sent here to illuminate something something something something something it's like this long purpose statement but what she did was took me on a journey of my why and understanding even in the roles that I selected the films that I've done the shows that i' I've done uh the books that I've written the nonprofits that I've start every one of them even with my own nonprofit cuz my production company is a 501c3 and our mission is telling sto stories and empowering women from marginalized narratives to storylines that you otherwise wouldn't be able to see but we are intentional about taking opportunities to empower women in front of the lens and behind the scenes I'm very proud of my production team that is always finds a way of being uh heavily side of women it's not intentional because we are an equal opportunity employer we have a lot of great guys um on our team as well but we have so many great female camera women and you know camera operators cinematographers editors producers that are women and women of color and diversity and so you've got to find your why and it will help to drive all other things but you got to convince yourself first so true with my kids I find myself saying just because someone says something about you doesn't mean it's true and then all of a sudden I thought this applies to us too this applies to me this applies to adults yes absolutely The Power of Words they they have a power that we give them but they do carry weight and so oftentimes it it takes a lot of work on our part to deal with other people stuff that they won't do the work to deal with the projection that you will experience in life whether you are starting a new business whether you're undertaking a new project but if you listen to the limitors and the people who project things onto you you're not going to see the fullness of the journey that you're on it's your gift it's your journey it's not anybody else's sometimes when I I say God calls us all to do things but it's not a conference call sometimes it's just with you everybody else is not on the call and that is okay and I've had that happen so many times magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy what is one tip that you can leave with us today about how you find and live your joy do the work to find out what really sets your soul on fire and I know that sounds very cliche is but it's so true and what I mean by do the work invest in yourself and getting to know who you really are not what you do but who are you what drives you what excites you I often say you've got to be prepared to stay true to your journey before opportunity presents itself people often ask about how I I find work life balance and that's because I don't believe in work life balance balance canotes that everything should be equal everything isn't equal in my life nothing compares to the my children and my family and so I prioritize and I know what my priorities are because I've done the work in every season to revisit what are your priorities right now what do life look like right now for you what is important what do you need Beyond even what my my husband needs even though we're the same we are one but we are one in Mission we are not one in you know God did create me as an individual so I say do the work to get to know yourself what's important to you set your priorities and then take the lid off of yourself because the only limit that you have is one that you either accept from other people and that you place there yourself pop the lid off and then see what happens such incredible advice this has been such a fun conversation I feel like I could talk to you all day or in your case in Singapore all night which I should probably let you get some sleep it's okay it's all good you have accomplished so much can you please tell our listeners how and where they can reach out to you or find you yes absolutely so my website is I amwan to ingram.or and I amwan to Ingram is also my social media handles so I'm on Instagram and Facebook Twitter Snapchat um Tik Tok I'm every I'm everywhere under I am W to Ingram um you can also go to the xats show we are on Amazon Prime us and UK if you live in a country where you cannot get Amazon Prime us or UK if you live in Spain or Portugal or some other country and even in Taiwan or Singapore you can go to purpose streaming.com and you can find the show there so I created my own streaming platform because everybody doesn't get Amazon and so our show is very International um and we have people all over the world that want to see it and connect uh you can go to the expat show.com and that's a website you can connect with us there and all over social media media yeah if you want to see the show it is it's there if you live in a country we are expanding our our distribution so hopefully one day that won't be an issue but I'm I'm proud of the streaming platform that we created out of necessity so but that's how you can connect and I'm so appreciative of all of the support that we've received if you are new to Sheil it we'd love for you to join us we offer Community memberships masterminds Innovative virtual events and meaningful connections to entrepreneurs and corporate leaders please also check out our sheb built it shop curated products from women-owned businesses who put their heart and soul into their beautiful and Innovative products we offer Sheil it business Consulting and the Sheil it blog thank you to everyone around the world who joined today thank you to my editor Rich stalino please download And subscribe wherever you get your podcast and until next time together let's let nothing stop us from experiencing the life that We crave