Master Self-Trust

Speaker 1: [Music] hi I'm Melanie bar welcome to the she builted experience with Melanie you're here because you want to experience the life and business that you crave join me as I talk to women who have successfully built it a career and business that they love we dive into the topic of how they built it and talk about everything from Having the courage to make career leaps to the details of how to lead effectively create successful teams Implement strategies for growth and Infuse Tech innovation magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy so let's dive in Stacy baren Fest built a seven fig business at the age of 19 where she helped clients find their external home in real estate today she guides leaders to find their internal home she's the founder of Truth teachers and works privately Consulting seven in eight figure leaders and their teams to success you built a successful real estate business when you were 19 tell us about your experience and what made you decide to Pivot and launch truth teachers the business that you run today in launching my real estate company one thing that was always very present for me with clients was focusing on where they were coming from from their Interstate when they were selling the house even when I was taking them through the process of buying the house even though we were talking about the Tactical pieces of buying and selling a house the conversation would always go to what their intentions were empowering them to see that in a very stressful situation they could choose a different inner State throughout a stressful process because so often we believe that it's the outer thing or situation that's causing us this stress the truth is is we always have a choice we always have free will and so that was always a part of the conversation and I had always been on my own personal development Journey what had happened was I built the real estate company to its peak and I realized I was not fulfilled and so that started my journey of digging deeper what was going on from the outside it looked like I had it all I was happy but deep down I was really in suffering so that started the the process and so in 2016 I was inspired to launch this work in the truth teachers but had a lot of unraveling to do with the real estate company and and pivoting out of that and so that's what inspired the work with the truth teachers is understanding the power we have when it comes to our emotions when it comes to our power of choosing our inner State and that is the fuel of what inspired me to launch such your teachers and I can see how you would have that experience with buyers because we built this home when I was pregnant with our Twins and when I think about selling this home one day it's very emotional there's so much that goes into it whether it's happy or sad or the frustrations of the buy sell process I see how you could see clients going through all of those emotions absolutely the most prevalent conversation was this idea of really commanding into existence what they wanted to experience and guiding them to have the successful sale but understanding that through that struggle that they could discover almost this tool set of opportunities to start controlling their thoughts and beliefs and emotions around it and tell us about truth teachers and your approach to mindset how is your approach to mindset different the truth teachers was really born like I said from trying to figure out my own suffering and so by doing all the coaching and different personal development tracks that I had sub subscribed to originally what I noticed was that after I completed each program I still felt the same there was something that was not transforming and so I was on a mission to figure that out and then so what I discovered was that there's this whole idea around what I'm calling emotion set that we need to discuss before mindset can actually take root and help us transform and create the reality that we want if we have emotions or patterns and programs that are running in the background in the subconscious we're unable to truly deploy the mindset strategies that work really well but we're unable to fully change transform from the inside out without addressing that and so that started the process of creating the truth teachers and the truth teachers what we want to do is help people transform from the inside out and understand that we can be fueled by our inner being versus external success validation because that's how we're conditioned as people is to get love and belonging and get external satisfaction or validation and that's our fuel to create versus flipping it on its head if you and and learning how to create from the inside out that's so true because we can take in all of these things that are coming to us from outside it's like what does success really mean to you not what does success mean from the outside and good for you for having the confidence to dig deep and figure that out because it's not always easy to do it's not it is an everyday decision right I'm constantly in process and peeling back that next layer and I think for all of us as people the more that we can realize that we're literally just a huge onion and we're just peeling back this layer and it's this never ending process then we can have genuine compassion for our journey versus meet ourselves up because we're not there yet because that's all so easy to do that's so true you mentioned programming how do you suggest we realize our old programming what might be working what might not and what do you suggest we do next looking at at your programming it's looking at what what patterns are showing up in your personal life in your professional life see if you can find a pattern that's playing personally professionally not necessarily with the same people look and see if you're with different people having the same pattern because when you can start to uncover that the people externally are not again what's causing the trigger or the pattern then you can start to really take 100% responsibility for this playing out and really see it for what it is without the story the first step is if there is something that is not working in your life or even that you're less than thrilled with we all you know are on our path to success whatever that means for us and so the levels of satisfaction vary if there's anything that you want to improve in your life see if there's a pattern that's playing out that's keeping you stuck then once you see that see if you can find that pattern in an area that's not related because that's when you can really pull it from the root because that's the whole idea of this work is being able to see it at the root because that's seeing the truth and that's only when you can be free of it it's when you see the truth for what it is it's so true it's so interesting when we think about the things that are holding us back and why they are holding us back and it's interesting that you say to look at it in a different place in a place that might be un related to where you think you might be holding yourself back cuz we don't always do that right A lot of times it's like if there's a challenge in the business we don't necessarily think is this showing up in my marriage or is this showing up in my relationships anywhere and it's fascinating when you can start to see oh it might not be exactly that pattern but it's a different flavor maybe it's raspberry instead of strawberry but you can see the similarities and then be empowered to change it a great client success story she was having some challenges with of her team members in the business and by seeing that it was something that was manifesting actually in her childhood in just a different way she was able to get in touch with the feelings that were unresolved from her childhood and things in the business started to open up in such a way that she could address the true challenge for what it was and be able to move through it the other great thing is that when you start to clean up one area when start to see these similarities playing out in two different areas of life but see the same underlying pattern what's amazing about it is it's completely clearing it out for good where if you're only looking at it almost like from a worm's eye view instead of a bird's eye view you're not able to clean it out and really purify your Consciousness because that's what this work is is working with Consciousness so as you purify that you're really helping being not only yourself but your children your spouse and the collective at large and I've always found it so amazing that even when you make some minor changes in a direction life just gets so much better and the whole situation gets so much better and then you want to do more of that thing that you are improving yes exactly you believe that self trust is one of the missing things from even the most successful businesses why do you think that is so self trust is interesting because we all have it to some extent but I think as Leaders as entrepreneurs much of our confidence is contrived at the beginning because you have to start somewhere and confidence is much different than self trust when we can see that difference and self trust is really this internal relationship where no matter what feedback you're getting from the external world you're so tuned in to what you're about but you see we haven't been programmed as people conditioned to start with self trust we've been conditioned to build confidence where that's all external and so if we can cultivate self trust and build this internal muscle this internal self trust muscle the way you move throughout the world is completely different with a flow and an ease versus confidence you you could even say like it's more masculine you're pushing you're forcing you're creating this thing out of the external feeling of confidence versus it being internal it's so true every time I haven't trusted my instincts I've regretted it so I've really tried to hone in on that muscle and one of the things that I find the most is when hiring team members when I have that feeling oh this is going to work out most the time it does when you have the other feeling of you know I'm not sure about this so that's one area where I've really learned to trust that instinct yes because when you trust yourself and team is such a great example because for all of us it's like oh I should have listened to that you had that initial feeling it's like the more that we can actually use that in our daily decisions outside of team really in everything that's business the more that we're tuning into our superpower which is co-creating with Guidance with that trust to create something that is uniquely ours and only what we can do in the world that's so true because most of the time we know yes most of the time we know and sometimes it's those outside influences that can cause us to make a different decision right exactly you say there is one word that high performers use that holds them back the most what is that word and why so that word is frustrated what's so interesting is whenever we use the word frustrated what we're doing subconsciously is we are claiming victim Consciousness we are saying that this is happening to us we are taking the brunt of something or we're at the mercy of something else and that couldn't be further from the truth our language tells us what's going on in our subconscious one of my favorite quotes is our word is our wand if we start to get obsessive with our language we'll start to craft a more empowering reality and be B to step into that and so evaluating how often we use the word frustrated and what's fascinating is I observe that the highest performers actually use that more when you're busy it's easier to choose being frustrated than it is to actually do something about it and so when you can bring a level of awareness to our language consciously choose what we're speaking what words we're using it starts to create a whole new container for us to step into it's so true because when you're busy running a business having a family all of the things there's just more things to cause frustration so you're so right when you put yourself in that mindset of how do I figure out a solution and not stay muddled in that moment life is just better and things happen more easily yes exactly how and why do you think High Achievers hide from True breakthroughs finding the confidence to do the things that we want to do or trust ing our inner selves can be hard and when we're right there on that moment of a breakthrough that can be the scariest moment yes well and it's so interesting because so often we're at that breakthrough and what happens next is everything it is either that the Breakthrough gets integrated or it just stays a breakthrough and I love this talking point because so often we think we have something but we don't slow down enough to let it integrate to let it sink in and so it stays on the surface as a breakthrough instead of a transformation and so the way that I suggest Discerning is this a breakthrough or is this actually like a transformation is are you still on the high of the Breakthrough or do you feel it in your body because that's really how we can tell it's like if you have a breakthrough you have that aha moment and if it stays there and you go on to the next thing you can know for sure that that's where it stayed it stayed on the surface it didn't necessarily come down to the root to the soil so that it could germinate into a beautiful flower so it's that whole idea of of allowing a little pause or space after an aha so that it can truly become that transformation we talk about that a lot with winds so often we're busy we we have a win and then we just move on to the next thing instead of really realizing that win you know really feeling it because we all get in those moments where it's like oh we made this thing happen okay what's next but there's so much more joy when we can feel it within ourselves well I love that point too just because you said something that's critical here and that's Joy if we really let things permeate we would allow joy to take place that's what we're all chasing right is Joy or happiness why we're doing all of this and so the more that can see that we can experience that on a momentto moment basis when we allow a pause when we can take things in so true and a perfect transition to my last question I ask this question at the end of every episode because I believe bringing joy into our daily life is so important magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy what is one tip that you can leave with us today about how you make sure to find and live your joy the biggest thing is paying attention to your inner State and allowing that to guide you there's a confusion between we're only supposed to do things that make us happy and we're not and hard work sometimes isn't necessarily joyful but it's so much about that perception filter that you're looking through and that's what we have the power to change the power to choose where we find joy and so being able to do what you love but the things that many of us don't like to do within the business but they're still requ quired you can find joy in that if you can remember to connect to that inner State remember to connect to that inner place and allow that to lead you through the things that you don't like to do as much connecting to that inner State and paying attention to those emotions and allowing them to pass by versus judging ourselves for feeling whatever we feel throughout the day also allows us to connect back to Joy more frequently because we're not getting stuck in negative emotions or positive because it's very easy on the other side to get excited and let that run us it's allowing us to connect to our emotions because there is joy in being fully self-expressed so right we do have the ability to choose our thoughts and to your point when we allow ourselves to flow through those different feelings it brings more joy into our lives thank you so much for sharing all of your knowledge and wisdom today so many good insights can you tell our listeners how and where they can find you yes so the best place to go is our website which is th truth teers plural.com thank you for joining us today I'd love to hear from you reach out to me at hello Sheil it.com on our Sheil it website or at Sheed on social thank you to my editor Rich drino who always makes us sound good until next time let nothing stop you from experiencing the life and business that you crave