Refuse to Lose Mindset

Speaker 1: [Music] I just tell people be crystal clear about what you want in life be crystal clear because when you are crystal clear the universe can hear what you want and pray whatever it is that you do can't tell everybody your vision your goals and your dreams sometime you got to keep your mouth closed and act believe and

Speaker 2: receive hi I'm Melanie bar welcome to the she beled experience with Melanie you're here because you want to experience the life and business that you crave join me as I talk to women who have successfully built it a career and business that they love we dive into the topic of how they built it and talk about everything from Having the courage to make career leaps to the details of how to lead effectively create successful teams Implement strategies for growth and Infuse Tech Innovation magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy so let's dive in Demetria Buie is a businesswoman author of the book refuse to lose mentor and magazine owner who loves to lift up and Empower women thank you for joining us Demetria I love the name of your book so much and there is a powerful story behind it tell us about your journey to

Speaker 3: becoming an author thank you so much for having me on your show thank you so much for the group and everything that you do it's truly been a blessing my book refused to lose I started writing this book in my homeless season I was homeless at the age of 23 I struggled a lot through my teenage years growing up in a dysfunctional home I dropped out of school in junior high and my father died and then I ended up moving to Richmond Virginia trying to figure out who I am and where I'm going I wasn't really understanding life I actually ended up on the streets I was around homeless people people who had given up on life I was like I'm going to live am I going to die and I went into a Goodwill store and I ended up getting a notebook and a pen and I started to write my life everything that I've been holding inside and I started releasing my pain through paper I started writing because I really couldn't say a lot of things that I have been through so I started writing journaling my pain paper so that's how I got started with the book and someone in that Goodwill store did something kind for you right yes I had walked in the Goodwill store and I had on regly clothes my clothes had holes in them and I ended up meeting this lady and she actually paid for a book by joce Meyers and she paid for the notebook and the pen I had absolutely no money when I walked in there and I was just talking to myself I was just praying I wanted to give up on life I really did and I felt like I had many reasons to but it was something that I needed to do for other people I was going through something for somebody else and so yes it was a lady in there she paid for did Jo SM your book I still have it today on my dresser

Speaker 2: tell us about your book and the stories that you share in your book and it's such an inspiring thing to hear you say that you worked through everything you

Speaker 3: were going through by writing it

Speaker 2: probably helped you process a lot too

Speaker 3: yeah with the book in my house a lot of times we were told to not tell what was going on in the house we couldn't talk about it when you grow up your mindset is on family traditions and what mama said and what Auntie or whoever in your family said and I wanted to break that tradition with the book I share stories how I overcame the depression and how depression it's a illness it's a sickness and how I began to change my words of everything that I have been through I felt like a failure dropping out School in junior high never really being in a loving relationship and couldn't because of the way you grew up I remember this man speaking into my life when I was 20 years old I had absolutely no money I guess he saw something in me and he said you need to go buy some business suits he said about 10 years you're gonna become an entrepreneur and I really didn't know what entrepreneur was I love that so

Speaker 2: much yeah you definitely have a fire inside you you can tell that what do you think you had inside you that helped you

Speaker 3: to overcome everything I knew it was something because every time I wanted to give up I ended up encouraging the other homeless people I wanted to make it all about me for some reason a lot of things kept becoming not about me it kept becoming about other people other people came back like oh you blessed me I didn't even know that my words expired you I didn't even know that and so it really helped me to keep going in life when I first started writing the book it really wasn't about money it wasn't about branding it wasn't about my picture being on the front cover it was really about me getting this book out to help other women who may have been divorced women who may have grew up in Dysfunctional homes and they feel alone and they don't know how to cope or they don't know how to get through these things and overcome it with peace joy and love because even though you've been through what you've been through there is peace love joy on the other side of it yes yeah it is and I love refuse to loose because we all go through trauma at times we all have traumatic

Speaker 2: experiences that we don't know how to get out of the time yes so thank you for

Speaker 3: being a light for that oh yes you could have let circumstances affect you negatively as well as we all can at

Speaker 2: times how do you suggest someone finds help or shifts their mindset in times

Speaker 3: like this what I had to do was I had to change my mindset and I had to want it and I had to change what I think about I had to change what I listen to I had to change what I hear because a lot of times we are told by people strangers family members oh you'll never do this you'll never succeed and a lot of times all that negativity is stuck in your mind and so when negativity is in your mind you can't speak life out into the universe into the world so I have to change my mindset and I said I have to do something different I have to wake up with something new so I wake up each

Speaker 2: morning I meditate I love affirmations I speak to myself like it's already done I speak to myself of what I want and what I want to see in my life I'm a mother I have a 10-year-old son he is another one of my Inspirations your mom you can't stay in this dark place you have to speak positive because the more negative you speak oh I'll never do this I never do that the Universe hears that it's out into the atmosphere it's going have to change the way I look at myself I had to speak to myself and denounce all of those words that was spoken in my life of calling me ugly you'll never do this you'll never being a successful marriage all of these things was told to me my advice is get around positive people and if not sometimes this journey can be L for a season until those positive right people come around you and bring that positivity because negative energy you will never go far with the negative energy around you and you speaking

Speaker 3: negative about yourself I love that you had the courage to go your own way and do what is right for you and say I'm going to let go of the things that are

Speaker 2: not right for me yes I definitely have to make that change it can be hard especially if you're growing up in environment and around people that are negative I have to do that I wake up and I think oh my head's not in the right place how do you shift your mindset to I'm going to be productive today or I'm going to give back to the world today or for kids too I I tell my kids the conversations to your point exactly what you said the conversations that they have with themselves are the most in conversation important conversations they'll ever have yes because how they feel about themselves inside is so important and how we all feel about ourselves from the inside out yes it can be a lonely Journey but that's okay it's not a bad thing it's absolutely not a bad thing I'm divorced I've been divorced since 2020 and I have found myself getting into relationship after relationship my entire life because I was missing something I needed something after that divorce I was getting ready to get into another relationship I felt in my spirit that gut feeling that intuition I need to listen to that inner voice of me listen to her I began to listen to her and my spirit was like no you need to take a break honey another good advice of listening to ourselves which we don't always do but we probably should yes I had to listen to her since 2020 self-love and I never knew what self Lov was because I was never taught self- Lov and acceptance of making mistakes as as we grow up yes and I learned from those mistakes and to never look back on those mistakes and to love myself and to give myself grace through those mistakes and learn from it and each and every day ever since I've done that and working out every day meditating I've lost I was 310 pounds I lost 40 pounds since July since I've taken a toll to just say yeah just say you know what I love me I didn't even know I love working out I was learning things about me and I was like oh my gosh because self love attracts love everything that you need so true and yes everything that you need you are a magazine owner tell us about the the pivotal moment when you decided to launch your magazine and what is your

Speaker 3: mission behind it I've been journaling for a very long time and writing articles and I didn't even know that I was really writing to help somebody else empowering women to speak out so it's a magazine to help other women speak their truth they can talk about their stories without revenge or you know and find forgiveness through their writing find themselves through their writing it's powerful speaking life into yourself and at writing I did a writing class and we closed the door to the old person and

Speaker 2: that's what I had to do you believe that the ability to help and Inspire others is a gift share with us why it truly has

Speaker 3: been a gift so many women have talked about how they become successful entrepreneurs but mostly the peace and the joy that they have found not letting their past hold them back the things that they've been through we've been on this train of not blaming others for your life because you have to let it go you're in your now what is your future we can't change the past so it's really been a gift to write this and then just let it read because it gets inside of you when you're reading about somebody's life of how they overcame something and you may have felt alone like dang you know what this person overcame this and they went through the the same thing I went through you don't always talk about it yes even like a lot under the surface yes see even like with my family we don't tell things in this house some people don't have the boldness to tell it no matter how old they are in their 40s and 50s no that's what mama said that's what Daddy sister boever said and that's the way we're gonna keep it some people go to their grave that eats at

Speaker 2: you inside it's so great that you were

Speaker 3: able to get all of that out and say I doesn't serve me if it's not good for me I just have to let it go yes have to let it go the meditation that I've been doing has been amazing it's called asking for nothing and receiving everything it has been absolutely amazing and a lot of people even ask me through therapy I go to therapy I gotta make sure I have a life after therapy I gotta make sure I can still cope I did about three sessions I'll get one here and there me I have to do this every

Speaker 2: single day it seems like your writing is

Speaker 3: also your therapy for you oh yes writing and music I love listen to music doesn't it change your mindset when you put on a song that you love almost instantly

Speaker 2: pretty amazing how that happened you also host conferences and Retreats for female entrepreneurs tell us about your conferences and what is the most meaningful thing to you about bringing women together these

Speaker 3: conferences are dear to my heart I absolutely love doing them dearly next year I'll be on my sixth annual I just hosted my fifth annual and I absolutely love bringing women together to meet one another from Canada Africa

Speaker 2: Indian kolian white black and we all come together as one that's one of my biggest things like through it all just to see a room full of different cultures speak people that speak different languages people who are learning about one another and respecting one another cultures and where they're from and beliefs I do this yearly I absolutely love it we have different speakers that come in to help women to motivate them to tell their stories also we have good food we love good food it has really been a joy to bring them together taking pictures dressing up gift bags the Swag Bags of different entrepreneurs sponsoring their products they're so happy to be in the areas that we're in and even entrepreneurs that have gone on to no longer work in nine of fs and there are now full-time entrepreneurs making a living off what they love to do and not working harder but working

Speaker 3: smarter I love your motivation for bringing women together and inspiring them to be better and uniting everyone and coming from a common place and knowing that we can all reach our goals and dreams and that it is possible oh

Speaker 2: yes I just tell people be crystal clear about what you want in life be crystal clear because when you are crystal clear the universe can hear what you want and pray whatever it is that you do can't tell everybody your vision your goals and your dreams sometime you got to keep your mouth closed and ask believe and receive that

Speaker 3: was one of my pet pees so I have to throw that out there you can't tell it's so true you gotta protect them because you're not gonna get the same responses from everyone and you're not gonna get the support from everyone oh no especially when you have big goals and dreams some people May reject that we can't let one person dictate our future you're so right we have to dictate our future surround ourselves with the people that are going to support that yes Magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy what is one way that you make sure to find and live your joy each

Speaker 2: day it goes back to the music and I love to cook just being in peace Joy again listen to meditation and affirmations even while I'm cooking that has definitely bring me joy each and every day I'm making sure I get my workout in every single day some days it's a push it is push yeah I'm loving the results you see a difference in yourself you feel healthier you feel good that's that motivation though that'll carry you through you start to see those little changes or you start to think wow I have

Speaker 3: more energy after that yes you do but you're right some days you know it is the push yes you are a gift to the world thank you for sharing your gift with us and for everything that you do to support others tell our listeners how

Speaker 2: and where we can find you so I am on Instagram at Demetria for real F I am on Facebook at Demetria buoy I am on link in now thanks to you

Speaker 3: great I know I saw you accepted my

Speaker 2: request yes my website is Demetri journey.com I'm very thankful for everything everything I've been through I'm thankful for the good and the bad so it has definitely made me stronger today thank you for joining us today I'd love to hear from you reach out to me at hello Sheil it.com on our shetit website or at Sheed on social thank you to my editor Rich draino who always makes us sound good until next time let nothing stop you from experiencing the life and business that you crave [Music]