What Your Nervous System Has to Do With Revenue, Leadership, and Growth

Speaker 1: Welcome to She Built It. I'm your host, Melanie Bar. You can have the strategy, the team, and the ambition and still feel stuck. That is because not every challenge is a strategy problem. Some are rooted deeper in the way we think, respond, and lead. Today, Jessica Tellian joins us. Jessica is a former medical professional turned EFT, tapping practitioner, and subconscious reprogramming expert who has helped more than 15,000 women transform their lives through the power of their own minds. Most founders are told their challenges come down to strategy or execution. What are high performing women actually missing?

Speaker 2: A lot of people always women especially we go to what am I doing wrong? What systems do I not have in place? And what I have noticed with the clients who come to me they think it's the strategy they implement what someone else worked for someone else. But when we go deeper into it, it's actually an internal block that they have that they're not aware of on the surface.

Speaker 1: It's so true because lately I've been thinking we have so much information coming at us today. It's important more than ever to trust our instincts and to listen to ourselves.

Speaker 2: 100%. And that's how I started my business was really through listening to my I call it my intuition. And especially as a woman, we have such strong intuitions. And the more we listen to it and the more we follow it, the more we walk this path where things are even more fulfilling and we reach greater heights and greater success. But I believe society has conditioned us to not trust ourselves. And today, you know, we have to make quick decisions and no one's perfect. So, we're going to make those decisions fast. And I've even found myself questioning some decisions I make are great and the right ones. And other ones I think, why didn't I listen to myself a little more? Yeah. I always say this journey is like an onion. There's so many different layers to it. And I teach this. I believe I'm an expert in this. And still there are moments where I'm still learning. Oh, is that my intuition or is that fear I'm listening to? And the way I like to separate it and teach my clients is intuition is something you feel in your body. You don't have to think about the right answer. Fear lives in the head. So that's how I love to teach the difference between the two because I have a lot of clients that say, "Well, Jess, how do I know if this is fear or my intuition?" Because they kind of feel the same. And we want to push away fear, but it happens to all of us. It is a normal feeling. It does. There's a big misconception that goes around that says I have no fear when fear is always going to be there because it is also there to protect us, right? The job of our mind is to keep us safe. And so if you've ever felt like you're going on this new journey or you're about to speak on a massive stage that you've never done before and you have all of these things

Speaker 1: coming up, all of these excuses or beliefs that sound so real, but they're actually not. And it's that fear that comes in that tries to keep us safe because speaking on this big stage is something new. It's something uncomfortable. And the mind doesn't like that. The subconscious mind is not like that. So it tries to keep us safe and then it throws these limiting beliefs, these blocks, these excuses to kind of talk you out of it.

Speaker 2: And what advice would you share with a client having having those feelings and holding themselves back?

Speaker 1: I always say doing what I call is the inner work. So going deeper into your inner world and really dissecting where do these things come from and scientifically our subconscious mind is formed from the ages of 0 to 8. And so if you were told that you are too much to be quiet, stop crying, no one wants to listen to you. I was just in the store the other day and I was listening to a parent tell his kid she was crying, "No one wants to hear you. No one wants to hear you." And I'm like, [sighs and gasps] I just know what that's doing to that kid. There's no judgment for anyone who speaks to their kid in that way. It's just this is now a learn can be a learning opportunity to understand that that right there can implant a deep wound. And then this child can grow up to not feel confident in her voice. And when she's about to speak on stage, she could have these, "Oh no, let me talk myself out of it because I'm conditioned to believe that no one wants to listen to me."

Speaker 2: Yeah. And not show up in the world as her truest self.

Speaker 1: I got into this work through my own self-discovery, healing, personal development journey. I was always always so in like the motivational spaces. I was in the fitness space for many, many years. And it brought me to a point where I felt like there was more out there. And I was always so really fixated on the physical appearance and the good job and going to school, doing this, doing that, the traditional route. And then I had moved out on my own for the first time, living in a new city. Didn't know anyone. It was a big change, big jump. Again, this came through my intuition to move to Miami and I didn't know anyone. Made no logical sense, but I listened to it. And through doing that, I started learning about this world of healing and personal development and manifestation and mindset and the nervous system regulation. And so, I went to a retreat. I hired a coach. I hired mentors. I started doing masterminds and these programs that would really help me tap into who I really was because that's what I was looking for. I was really searching for who am I? What do I want out of life? What do I want to do? Because on paper, I had it all. I was making the good money. I had the great job. It was great, but I wasn't fulfilled. And actually, part of me felt very guilty for feeling that way. So part of me felt so guilty for wanting more because I was always told just be happy with what you have, be grateful. And that was a whole thing that I got to work through was knowing that it's okay for me to want more and still be grateful for what I have. Long story short, through discovering who I was, I started healing myself. I started growing. I started learning more about the science behind it because that always intrigued me. And then I started exploring what it would be like to become a coach. I ended up going back to school and at the master's level I got certified and becoming a master NLP practitioner an EFCT tapping practitioner and then through that I started learning about these tools like EFCT tapping and when I started specifically learning about that tool and implementing it and doing it for myself I saw so much change. My anxiety basically went away. I started hitting my highest cash months in my business that I had just started. Then I dove more into that and now here I am with a certification where I certify other women to become EFT tapping practitioners.

Speaker 2: For someone who's hearing about EFT for the first time, tell us what it is and what the science says behind it and why it matters to founders and leaders.

Speaker 1: Essentially EFT, it's a tapping technique. It's a blend of modern psychology and ancient Chinese medicine. So, it's also derives from acupuncture where they put the needles in your face, but with tapping, we're using those same points that they use in acupuncture, but there's no needles. You're just using your fingers. So, on the outside, it can look a little off when you see someone tapping on their face in public, like, what is that person doing? Right? It's not normal. It's what is that person doing? And the science facts behind it is these points are called meridian points. And what this does is when you're tapping on these points, it sends a signal to your brain, the part of your brain that's called the amydala. And it basically tells your nervous system, you are safe to feel this. And with EFT, you're processing those limiting beliefs, the wounds, the things that aren't serving you, the emotions, the fear, the shame, the guilt, and you're in real time tapping them out, and your body is feeling, okay, it's safe to feel this. Essentially, it's retraining and rewiring your subconscious mind and your nervous system to not remove the memory cuz you will always remember. If you know where it came from, you will remember it. But it essentially reduces the emotional charge behind the memory. We have clients that start with an emotion level 10 because we use a scale to judge the feeling and the pain and then they leave a session at a level zero. We go to the gym to work out. Why wouldn't we take our mind and our our nervous system as seriously every day to do the tapping? I believe it's because it's not so mainstream. It's not so taught to feel your feelings, to feel your emotions, to work on your mindset. It's so true because in leadership roles at times we can think I have to be this way, I have to feel this way. And I would think that tapping will ground you and take you back into yourself just like yoga grounds you. I would assume that EFT would ground you in that way and bring you back to the center.

Speaker 2: Exactly. And a lot of leaders were so up in our heads because we have a million tabs open. Am I doing the right thing? Did I send the email? Oh my gosh, I didn't capitalize that. I forgot to reach out to my assistant. Am I leading the right way? And like you said, when you tap, it's like boom, instant. You come back into your body and the thing that felt so big, the shame of not getting all the things done or whatever it is instantly goes away because it's all up in here. And then when you come into your body, you start to lessen that emotional feeling. And then you're able to come to work, show up as a leader so much more powerful because you are regulated. So then imagine the women and the men and the people in your business who you're leading, the energy they're going to feel from you because you're coming from a regulated space.

Speaker 1: And our mind is so powerful. It's so powerful. We all know how powerful our mind is. We can think our way into feeling anxious. We could think our way into feeling overwhelmed. we could think our way out of things that are actually good for us that we're saying we want and also to towards motivation and feeling good every day. And why wouldn't we want to take our mind in that direction?

Speaker 2: Yes. And that's why I love EFT cuz you instantly feel better and it's not something that you have to believe in because it's actually sciencebacked. You feel better in your body when you tap. And I would think for someone who maybe hasn't tried acupuncture before or was reluctant to try it, this is a way to move in that direction.

Speaker 1: Yeah. You work at the subconscious level. What is subconscious reprogramming and how is it different from mindset work?

Speaker 2: Your mind is basically made up of three different parts. Your subconscious mind, your conscious mind and your unconscious mind. Your unconscious and your subconscious are very similar. Essentially, your subconscious mind runs 95% of your reality. That's the part of your mind where your belief systems are. So essentially, it's how you move without having to think about it. It's just how you operate, who you are at that level. The 5%, which is the conscious mind, which is crazy when you look at the numbers. The conscious mind is the logical mind. It's how we make our logical decisions. Should I buy this house now or should I buy it next year? Should I invest in this mentor now? What makes more logical sense? That's the conscious mind. But what's really running the show always is the subconscious. And so if your subconscious mind was programmed at a young age to not believe in yourself, to think you're not smart, to think you're ugly, to think you're stupid, these real life names that we heard when we were younger, whether it was from our brothers or sisters or cousins, that gets programmed in the subconscious. And so there's something called neuroplasticity. And that's the science behind why we can reshape our brains that neurologically and the neural pathways. And that's another reason why I love tapping is because you're actually rewiring your neural pathways inside your head.

Speaker 1: So interesting. If someone was going to start with tapping, where would you suggest they begin?

Speaker 2: I would suggest you begin going to an ECtapping practitioner first and foremost. someone who is well trained in the modality and really asking yourself why do I want to go? What do I want to receive from it? What is my intention behind going into this? For example, if you notice that you have a lot of anxiety come up when you're about to host a live event, you can go to a EFT tapping practitioner and share that with the practitioner and they will bring you through an assessment and they will write a tapping script for you and bring you through it. And so that's something that you can have in your back pocket every time you are about to go on stage,

Speaker 1: you're about to host a meeting. So interesting how we bring what happened in when we were younger into our world today. And you're making me think I'm a twin mom and I think a lot about how I communicate to the twins as far as giving them confidence. And I am always saying just because someone says something to you doesn't mean it's true.

Speaker 2: That's so good. And that's true for adults. [laughter]

Speaker 1: It's true for us, too. Yeah, that's so good because if our kids go to public schools, they're around kids. We cannot control everything. But what can we do as a we can give our children that that those words of encouragement of okay, you don't have to do this. You don't have to believe in the thing. And when it comes to the subconscious mind, it's the language of it essentially is repetition. So just because someone says something one time when you're four years old doesn't mean it's going to stay with you. But if you consistently heard it and it you felt it in your body, bam, that's when that can stay with you. You talk about balancing the masculine and the feminine energy in leadership. What does that mean in practical terms for a founder in business today?

Speaker 2: A lot of leaders in the leading space are in this masculine energy. And what I mean by that is it's not anything by looks. A lot of people hear masculine and feminine. They think, "Oh, looking masculine or wearing a pink dress." No, you could wear a pink dress and still be really masculine. So there's different sides to it. There's the healthy masculine, the unhealthy masculine, but essentially the healthy masculine energy

Speaker 1: is leading, is directing, is giving direction, is supporting, is providing. And when we think of this feminine energy, this is more of the flow, the intuition, the playfulness, the trusting, the surrendering, the knowing that even if you couldn't prepare your whole slideshow, you know that it's going to go so well because you trust, you believe. That's the feminine energy within it. When I speak to leaders and they're so in their masculine, I support them in tapping more into their feminine energy. They hit their higher cash months. They reach new levels in their business because now they're blending the two because in the world everything has both energies. It's there's a law of the universe called the law of polarity. So that states that you cannot have dark without light. You cannot have feminine without masculine. You know, after the thunderstorm, there's the rainbow. There is that balance in everything, in all things. After winter comes the summer, it's going to happen. And so, when you are able to align yourself with how nature works, because we are human nature, things flow more. Things don't feel so heavy, so forced. But again, society and the world really teaches us that, oh no, no, no, no, no. You need everything needs to be written down step by step. This, that, that that that very masculine. It's so interesting, too, because as leaders sometimes we have to go more towards the masculine. And at times maybe we need to bring in a little bit more of that feminine if we're trying to shut that part out.

Speaker 2: Exactly. The way that leaders can do

Speaker 1: that is as you're preparing for a speaking engagement, you can put your headphones on, throw on some of your favorite music, and just move your body. Even something as small as that, bringing that joy, that light-heartedness into your getting ready, how you prepare for things, can make a world of a difference because you're actually getting into your body.

Speaker 2: I'm smiling because I always have music on. Yes, it's how I start my morning. And the [clears throat] mood directs the type of music, too.

Speaker 1: So awesome that you allow yourself to honor that, right? Without having any like judgment towards yourself. I've noticed a lot of women, we can hold that judgment without even realizing, oh, I'm angry today. I can't be angry. Why am I angry? Everything's going to go wrong. And then what you resist persists and keep everything keeps being so heavy that day when you can just take a breath, tap through it, dance, get into your body and things start to feel a little different. You are in control of your reality. And I don't believe a lot of people fully understand that that we are always creating our reality.

Speaker 2: Yeah. And sometimes we're so caught in the moment that we forget that.

Speaker 1: Yeah. We need to be that have that reminder. Many high achieving women look successful from the outside but still feel stuck, anxious or exhausted. What is usually happening beneath the surface? I was so successful on paper when I first started my career, but I was completely disconnected from who I was and I feel like this is part of that. Not knowing who you really are or not allowing yourself to fulfill your desires. We can think I have to work. I have to do this, but then your relationship and your marriage is suffering because you're not putting energy into it. Or your relationship with your friends, if those are important things for you, that's where you get to put your energy. Um, there's something that I do with my clients that's called the wheel of life. And essentially, most clients that come to work with me, they want more success in their career or their business. If you have this horrible relationship with men in your life and it's been hard for you to attract clients, there's probably a correlation there because you know you want the clients because you want the money and the energy of money is very similar to men. It's very it's supportive. It provides it protects. So we look at all of the areas and when I see a client that let's say fun is one is a part of their wheelhouse. They put no energy into it. They're not prioritizing it, but they're putting all their energy into their business. Their homework is to go have fun. Go book a vacation. There's no strategy to the spa with your friends. Go call your mom. Go go go to your favorite restaurant with her. Do whatever is fun for you. And it just naturally happens when their business does better. They're not forcing trying to promote or market or get the best graphic designer. Their business starts to do better because they're doing better. And I believe your career and your business is a reflection of who you are. It's so much about energy. Sometimes you'll go for a walk with a friend or you'll do something fun and you'll get that email that says, "I want to work with you." Or, "I want to move forward." And you know, you think, "Maybe I shouldn't take this time away." But sometimes it's the best thing you can do. It's the best thing you could do. They say the the answers come in the stillness, right? They say the more you pause, the more you're able to receive. And so, speaking about the feminine, the feminine energy pauses. Not saying you have to take 10 months off of your, you know, career, but you take moments in your dayto-day to pause, to not always be on, to actually turn off. And it's in those moments where that creative life force energy, which is what I call it, comes through you and you get the idea, you get the the spark or the whatever you want to call it. Some people call it download, the hit, the nudge to do the thing and then they follow their intuition and bam. And it's it's so crazy how we have to schedule that time in today with as [laughter] inundated with everything as we are.

Speaker 2: Yeah. That's the masculine support and structure. It's like using your masculine energy to block off time to be free to do nothing. This is my nothing time. I'm allowed to do whatever I want during this time. I'm not working and I'm not working. It's not that I'm on a beach and I'm working on the phone at the same time. No. Can you rest just as hard as you work? So important.

Speaker 1: Yeah. You built a following of more than 37 million views on TikTok around this work. What have you learned about making science-based ideas clear and relevant to people?

Speaker 2: I've learned that speaking about these big terms as if you're speaking to a fifth grader is how it's going to land for people. No matter if you have your PhD, no matter how many degrees you have, speaking it in a way that it's relatable, people are less resistive to receiving it. Because if you can't understand it, how can you implement it? Exactly. One of my gifts is I'm really good at breaking things down and explaining things because when I was younger, I was diagnosed with a learning disability. I was diagnosed with ADHD and auditory processing disorder. My teachers told my mom I wouldn't make it through college. The college thing that that really got my mom in a chokeold. That's limiting beliefs for you from

Speaker 1: such an early age.

Speaker 2: So, one of my big things that I work through on a daily basis because it's a deep deep one is am I good enough? Are people going to listen to me? Do I sound right? Who am I? When I launched my retreat, it took me a year to launch it. Not because I was preparing for it, because I was fighting certain limiting beliefs inside of me. Who are you to have a certification? Who's going to listen to you? You weren't even supposed to make it through college.

Speaker 1: It's so great that you pushed through those beliefs, though moved through those beliefs.

Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. Mo definitely moved through those beliefs. In the beginning, I felt like it was definitely a push and now the energy there is moving through it. And I see it now as a challenge and it's something fun that I get to do because I have really proved to my logical mind that I can do it because of all my past accomplishments. And so in the moments where those deep limiting beliefs come up, I have a list in my phone of everything I've accomplished. And so I go back and I look at it to prove my mind, oh, it's not that no one wants this. It's the the limiting belief that was instilled in me at a young age. I'm good. I could do this.

Speaker 1: What is one thing a founder could do today to start working on her nervous system instead of against it?

Speaker 2: What comes up for me is so simple. Less is more. Just taking a moment and being intentional and listening to your body. So maybe setting two alarms. Set two alarms throughout the day. Whatever you want to name them. I would recommend

Speaker 1: closing your eyes, putting a hand on your heart, a hand on your stomach, and just take a couple deep breaths and just keep coming back to center. Your mind's going to wander, of course, but just keep coming back to center and just I call it a body scan and notice where there's any tightness, anything in your body that you feel like you're holding on to and just send it love and send it good energy. This is part of that emotional regulation, emotional regulation and emotional mastery, emotional intelligence is getting in tune with your emotions and your feelings. And so I believe the best place to start is listening to your body and seeing what your body wants to tell you.

Speaker 2: And that's such good advice. At the beginning of this year, I committed to doing a five minute meditation every morning and foam rolling and stretching while I do it. And now it's become one of my favorite things. And I feel centered when I do it. And when I don't do it, my day is just off. And I'm sure with the tapping that would take it to another level.

Speaker 1: It really does because you're just going to the next level. So there's always levels to it. There's levels to success. There's levels to doing this deeper inner work. And they say when the student is ready, the teacher shows up. If you know you've been ready to go to the next level, maybe tapping is, you know, someone's feeling called to going to the next level with that. Or maybe they've never heard of any of this. And the recommendation that I just gave, pausing for five minutes twice a day, just focusing on your breath and retraining your nervous system because that's what you're doing is you're training your nervous system to know that it is safe to be still. It is safe to do your yoga, to do your foam rolling for 5, 10, 15 minutes every morning. Like, you're not going to miss out on a big claw. You're not going to pass a due date. If anything, you're going to show up better. Because there's this quote that I love, and I have a cup in front of me, and it's when you fill up your cup, it just naturally overflows. So, when you fill up your cup, you prioritize yourself. The people around you are going to receive the fruits of your labor. they're going to receive you at 100%. Versus you're up all night till 3 in the morning to get everything done and then you wake up at 7 and you have 5 hours of sleep and you're pushing through it and you're not 100%. You're like%. Even if we know this, even having the reminders are good. They're very good because sometimes we self-sabotage oursel too. We know what to do. So why am I not doing it? I get a lot of clients that come to me, Jess, I love what you're saying. I agree, but I'm not doing it. Why am I not doing it? And that's when we go to that next level with things like tapping and doing the inner work to understand what the block is that you cannot see, but you know there's something there. I love seeing

Speaker 2: women, no matter what stage they're in, whether they're changing careers or they're getting deeper into their career, understanding that they can listen to their intuition and when they do, how good it feels for them. Amazing to me seeing these women really step into their power and their purpose. When we're in a flow and in alignment and things are going well, and that doesn't mean challenges don't come up. Of course they do. But we move through them so much easier when we're in alignment and are feeling good about our days.

Speaker 1: Exactly. I always say it doesn't get easier cuz it really doesn't. Especially the higher you go. It ain't going to get easier. You just get stronger. Thank you so much for joining us today and for reminding us to move through our days, to pay attention to our nervous system, and to try tapping if we've never tried it before. Please share with us how and where we can find you.

Speaker 2: You can find me on my website www.astrongerw.com. I'm also over on Instagram, Tik Tok, just my name, Jessica Tellian. If you're interested in anything with the tapping, you can send me a message or you can go over to the tapping school on Instagram.